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About Digital Art / Hobbyist Core Member EndurandonNew Zealand Recent Activity
Deviant for 10 Years
2 Month Core Membership
Statistics 68 Deviations 1,531 Comments 24,299 Pageviews

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General advice: Keep making more art, if you keep practising you can only get better. Study others' work and use references where ever ...

Newest Deviations

Collision Cascade by Endurandon Collision Cascade :iconendurandon:Endurandon 14 0 Heat Death by Endurandon Heat Death :iconendurandon:Endurandon 10 3 Twilight by Endurandon Twilight :iconendurandon:Endurandon 2 0 GLaDOS and HAL9000 4 ever - New and Improved by Endurandon GLaDOS and HAL9000 4 ever - New and Improved :iconendurandon:Endurandon 2 0 Gamzee Wallpaper - New by Endurandon Gamzee Wallpaper - New :iconendurandon:Endurandon 7 0 Nakker by Endurandon Nakker :iconendurandon:Endurandon 9 3 The Ice King by Endurandon The Ice King :iconendurandon:Endurandon 5 0 Death of Clean Sound by Endurandon Death of Clean Sound :iconendurandon:Endurandon 7 0 Treestar by Endurandon Treestar :iconendurandon:Endurandon 16 3 Void Snow by Endurandon Void Snow :iconendurandon:Endurandon 1 0 Bones by Endurandon Bones :iconendurandon:Endurandon 3 2 This is Incredibly Silly by Endurandon This is Incredibly Silly :iconendurandon:Endurandon 5 1 WV: Rise up by Endurandon WV: Rise up :iconendurandon:Endurandon 34 10 Slenderman by Endurandon Slenderman :iconendurandon:Endurandon 12 24 Cooler Wings by Endurandon Cooler Wings :iconendurandon:Endurandon 6 0 Wings by Endurandon Wings :iconendurandon:Endurandon 4 5
(This journal has social justice themes and talks about fatphobia as well as ableism. If you don't like it then you'll have to leave because I'm going to be talking about my personal experiences and how they fit in the bigger picture of anti-fat discrimination. I'm not going to avoid 'stepping on toes' any more. I've had enough. Fatphobia is systemic. Fatphobia is making us suffer. Fatphobia can end in death like any hostile systemic discrimination. If you have genuine questions, I will try to educate, all I ask is to try to be understanding and open-minded.)

I haven't written about this much before but I have a pretty extensive disability, it wasn't always like this and in the last 2ish years I've been confined to my own home because of it, I'm also fat and always have been. My condition is most likely Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, although there's a hand full of very rare heart or nerve based conditions I could have but most of these conditions can be treated a little with beta-blockers. If we can prove I have POTS I have more options of treatment. All you need to be diagnosed with POTS is a tilt table test. You get on a mechanical table and it tilts you to see what happens. Easy peasy right, do the test, get the diagnosis or rule it out and move on. LOLNO.

I got an arsehole registrar (training doctor) and I don't know WTF his problem was but he had decided it was all because I was fat, you see. No underlying problem just a fat fatty being too fat at him. He said he wouldn't give me the beta-blockers because my body was just responding to my awful fatness by speeding up my heart and this was normal for horribly fat people and I should allow my heart to pump that quickly. It was bad but I had to stop being fat, that was all. I asked why the fuck I knew no other fat people like me. Like completely disabled and he told me it was individual. WHAT. Am I the FATTEST person in existence? The ONLY actual fat person? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? It was clearly bullshit. I had lost more than a quarter of my weight in four months from hormonal fuckery and it had done NOTHING (thank god that happened or no one would listen). If he was right the change should have been MIRACULOUS. Also I can't use the tilt table at all, in order to prove I have some other condition, because I'm 'too heavy'.

Anyway I got into an argument with this arsehole like I always do and long story short I can't realistically lose weight (wanna know more, see my SJ blog1). So, of course the arsehole suggests fucking bariatric surgery. Literally pay someone $20,000 to slice up a healthy organ, known and likely side-effects include, shitting yourself randomly and vomiting after eating a tiny amount of food2 and ya know, DEATH3. I said hell no my quality life is shit enough and that piece of shit was like "your quality of life is zero so what does it matter?" WHAT. THE. FUCK. Remember he doesn't think I'm really sick, he thinks I'm just fat so and he thinks being fat is so bad that being even sicker is totally fine. Finishes it up by telling me 25 year olds shouldn't be in wheelchairs. Classy. Nice mix of fatphobia and ableism with a hint of age discrimination at the end.

So that appointment was over pretty quickly and I got literally nothing out of it. Not even the pressure stockings he promised. I was pretty fucking angry at this point and decided that this wasn't good enough. Figuring a complaint on my own wouldn't cut it, I turned to the government and they were concerned. They send me a paid advocate. The advocate himself was not important, the fact that they had eyes on them was. I wasn't very optimistic for a while because I spoke to the manager over the phone and she said the arsehole claimed not to have said that my quality of life was zero and she implied I was somehow mistaken (read: talking bullshit). So it looked pretty bad.

But as you guessed from the title it turned out fine. They were pretty apologetic and the tone had changed from when I last spoke to them. They briefly mentioned some kind of internal investigation, so I think the pressure was on to play nice and get a good result. They completely changed the story and said it was clear something else was up. No shit, doctor. They're not 100% clear on what I have (most likely POTS) but its something wrong with a nerve or a part of the heart itself and all three/four possible conditions are treated by beta-blockers, since when your heart goes as fast as mine it can't even pump properly any more. So that other arsehole denying me it because my body was 'just compensating' for my fat ass and was wrong as fuck, with this many bpm it just can't function right so letting it 'compensate' was making things worse. Did he just want me to suffer for my 'poor choices'? WTF? If he didn't know WTF was he doing there? I get it. He was in training but I got fucked over with this weak excuse. I could have been on beta-blockers this whole time! This was clearly negligent.

I finally have some beta-blocker though! I have treatments now and on the way! Also I'm going to get my tilt table test! The table wasn't even too weak like they implied... It was because they were afraid they might have to lift me if I pass out. Seriously, they hire people just for manual labour but you wouldn't think so from the way that first doctor acted. You literally just need two big guys but I guess he thought the resources shouldn't be wasted on me. As soon as my step-father heard that he was like 'I'll help'. I suggested they do the same with other patients in future, let them bring in volunteers if they must. They kissed my ass. Only problem I have is that said the other doctor will grow out of his attitude (because he was a registrar). Like they don't need to do anything he'll just get it. Yeah, right. Whatever, I got what I wanted, I pushed that I didn't want this to happen to anyone else, they seemed to understand and that arsehole hopefully got a good scare or a mark against him.


1. weighingupdiscrimination.blogs…
2. www.sciencedirect.com/science/…
3. www.lindabacon.org/HAESbook/pd…
  • Listening to: The Storm ft. Synthis
  • Playing: Dragon Age; Inquistion
  • Drinking: The tears of my enemies

Have you ever had issues with doctors? 

100%
1 deviant said Minor issue(s)
0%
No deviants said Yes, major issue(s) and I'm chronically ill/disabled
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No deviants said No issues at all and I'm chronically ill/disabled
0%
No deviants said Yes, major issue(s) and I'm more-or-less well
0%
No deviants said No issues at all and I'm more-or-less well
0%
No deviants said No, but a family member/friend had major issue(s)

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Endurandon

Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art
New Zealand
Favourite genre of music: Most Electronic Music
Favourite style of art: Cartoonish, minimalism and Vector/Vexel, literally anything with dragons
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OK, now it changed. Was it supposed to make it so you can't log in with the new name and then let you log in with your email instead and act like it totally screwed you for an hour? That was not clear. I'm confused.
Deviantart changed my name from dragoliz to dragoliz. I paid $20 for this. Yay.

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Instead of thanking me for a fave, try just giving me a llama (I return them) or even looking at my art.

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Comments


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:iconluckylombax:
LuckyLombaX Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Ahh thank you for the watch!!
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:iconendurandon:
Endurandon Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No problem, your avatar caught my attention and I love dragons.
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:iconluckylombax:
LuckyLombaX Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeee!! :heart:
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:iconmatthewdaanimefanboy:
MatthewDaAnimeFanboy Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2018  New Deviant Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for da llamaLlama Emoji-62 (Rawr I'll get you) [V3] 1up llama 
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:iconendurandon:
Endurandon Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the watch!
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:iconmatthewdaanimefanboy:
MatthewDaAnimeFanboy Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2018  New Deviant Hobbyist Digital Artist
No problem!
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:iconmisterbarns:
misterbarns Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the Llama...an important part of life 
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Hidden by Owner
:iconprospecte:
prospecte Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
you know i really wish you'd actually be a bit more like, nice and mature then maybe we could get over all this crap

you claim to want to stop before christmas and then you go and do this--

why don't you just stop man? :c
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:iconendurandon:
Endurandon Featured By Owner Edited Dec 3, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Still trying, huh? Give it a break, kid.

For those who are curious it was a troll that I refused to feed after it latched on to some drama. After it saw that I wasn't falling for its rather transparent bait, it got super upset and had a little tantrum on my page. Desperately trying to get some kind reaction and validation of its world views, it lied about me and tried to attack prospecte too.

Its pathetic really and kind of amusing in how obvious it was. I'm little insulted, actually, it barely tried.  
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:iconnothofagus-obliqua:
Nothofagus-obliqua Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hi! thanks alot for the watch :hug:
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:iconendurandon:
Endurandon Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No prob
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:iconrd-dd1843:
RD-DD1843 Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2017
Thanks for the llama badge.
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:iconscheq:
Scheq Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2016  Hobbyist
Thank you for the watch :hug:
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:iconendurandon:
Endurandon Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No problem. :3
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